Tuesday, February 28, 2006

There once was a little girl who had a bad temper. Her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than to drive those nails into the fence.


Finally the day came when the girl didn't lose her temper at all. She told her mother about it and the mother suggested that the girl now pull out one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper. The days passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her mother that all the nails were gone. The mother took her daughter by the hand and led her to the fence.


The said, "You have done well, my daughter, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one."


You can put a knife in a person and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say "I'm sorry", the wound is still there.


Come to think of it, I am like this little girl sometimes, being too angry not to hold any anger. Am still waiting for the day when I don't have to be angry anymore. It's too hurting sometimes. Tears will just flow for no reason... Really...




Take the What Fruit Are You? test by



Haha.. yea I'm back again! lol.. gonna upload some pics now.. Pics were taken during CNY, a gathering we had with Miss Tan. lol.


The pretty girls in my class 3F08


Pretty girls of 3F08 (2)


Handsome guys of 3F08


Stuck in between... =X


Myself and Ying Qian


The guys with Miss Tan..


Class pic 1 - All of them very good looking right? Haha..


Class pic 2 - It was Linette's birthday!


Class pic 3

Monday, February 27, 2006

Yea I'm back.. Anyway thanks for the people who are constantly popping by tagging and reading! haha.. You girls certainly make my blog more lively and not so dead because of me. Lol

Ok, I'm quite mad about blogging today.. This is already my 4th post today and well, blogging still rocks as long as my internet is fine. haha...

Graduation's coming soon... Unofficially that is... 1 more paper this coming Friday and an external judging presentation next week Monday for my FYProject and I'm done with school academically! Lol.. That'll be 6th Mar and I'm free from school.
Then comes the exciting part, FOC!! Haha.. Anyone interested to go? It's SU FOC by the way. Looking for kaki to go with me actually.. Anyone interested? Gonna rock this FOC like never before! Blabla..
So gonna miss school actually, after spending 3 years there with ups and downs including friendships, studies, relationships, CCAs etc. So many things!! Of course not to forget the life as a student. That could never be better, seriously... You enjoy the carefree environment of doing things at your pace, getting to know people from walks of life and surprises you never thought of having it. New relationships birth forth out of curiousity and the desire to understand others. All the never ending tales that you leave behind as you walk out of school as a graduate, that marks your finishing page as a student in that school.

Good things always have to come to an end, that's why we always treasure what we have now. Although I always say my friendships are screwed up and all during my poly days, some are really worth remembering and to be developed further to strengthen it. People who would always be by your side, people who never fails to surprise you with good things, going through so much with that person you know or even someone you may like. All these bear deep meanings to life and certainly would add colours to a gray life like mine. lol..
I still believe that as long as there is a commitment to stay on to develop that friendship, anything is possible out of that friendship. It may not be just being lifelong friends or eventually become parters etc, but interesting things that certainly exceeds the rewards of just knowing and loving the person.
If there is a desire and commitment, I'm sure difficulties can be overcomed, no matter how it may be.
I know many things can happen out of a relationship including friendships, well, I'm waiting for this kind of experiences because it pre-determines how strong the relationship is going to be or whether or not it's going to stay.
But I believe this is the kind of relationship I want to maintain forever...

There is this friend of mine, or maybe it's just my point of view that I consider her as a friend. I was quite happy that even after something drastic happened, we still remained as friends, pretty close friends for a period of time. But perhaps both of us were busy and all, we started to drift away from each other, had few chances to meet up and could hardly chat online too. Then came one time when something really hit me that i was quite sad about and perhaps I was too persistant on my part on that matter, it might have catalysed the lost of that friendship. Seriously speaking, I don't know why it happened because everything started right from a question, and it even complicated to her boyfriend.
Only 3 weeks ago that I saw her again face to face, but somehow there was this barrier between us and she didn't even dare to face me. It kind of bothered me whether who was the one at fault in the 1st place.
But I came to learn that a loss may not mean it's the end of everything, it can just be a start of something new... Perhaps God, You do have something for her and myself...

Haha.. how come suddenly I'm into that topic.. So funny..
That aside, I find it meaningful at times why God just make you go through so much? I mean, all the suffering, all the persecutions and all the scoldings etc. I don't know. You might be thinking otherwise of what I'm going to type next. I learnt that as you reflect upon your past, you start to learn from them, what is supposed to be done etc. More than that, it causes you to change from within. We all learn from experiencesand experiential learning is the best from of learning which we can absorb and apply the most in our lives. God saw that, and He's adding value to your past experiences, good or bad, to teach and help other people in the same situation as you, to bring them out of their situation so that they may do the same to other people who are in their shoes. That's how I want to do things. I want to impact their lives by caring for them, by teaching them what I know and meeting their needs and spending time with them because that's how I can love other people, like how God loves me. =)

Think it's enough for now? Haha.. I'll still be back later though.. Gonna study my BTN later.
Signing off with God's love. =)


Currently in school stoning and spending the time to blog. I still have one more hour before the incubation ends and I don't know what to do. Talking to Jan now but I'm just laming with her. Haha..

Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla...

Gonna complete the expt today before putting it in the presentation for the external judging. Yea.. Till later~~


Yooo.. I'm back blogging again! yea... ushering was great for the last 2 days. I was doing Bravo and Charlie zone acupoints. Haha.. Real cool.. You really see people flooding in like nobody's business. Lol.. Almost like people rushing in for sales in a departmental store once the door opens. Lol..
Learnt a lot of things during serving over the weekends although I do get discipled and all. Well, I learn things by being discipled and scolded. Lol.. Gonna be more sharp and observant next time really, not good to be scolded all the time though it's a good way to learn. Yea..

When you are into something new, the beginning is always harsh because you got to adapt to the culture and you have to start knowing more people. Once you are able to pass through that phase, learning becomes enjoyable and you start to enjoy the new environment. We all learn from scratch mah. Haha..

Some things I realised I need to work on as I move on:

1. Complacency in my work
2. Faithfulness to get things done.
3. Change of mindset - All things are possible with God!!
4. Communication + Social skills.
5. Being sharp and observant of my surroundings.
6. Discipline...
7. Time management. --> extremely sleep deprived.

Yea, these 7 pts of which I think pts 4-7 would be a killer to change but if I can then good for myself. Haha.. Yea...

Your results:


You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 70% Superman 55% Batman 55% Iron Man 55% Hulk 50% Robin 48% Catwoman 45% Supergirl 40% Spider-Man 35% The Flash 30% Wonder Woman 15%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Ok.. let's blog something now. been 3 days since i last blogged and i seriously think I should remove my previous entry sometime soon if not i'll be scolded by other people for being called 'wu liao', also known as boring. dot dot.

Anyway this weekend had been an enjoyable week although half of my weekends including Friday was spent in church. Yea.. Haha.. No life maybe? Well, don't really think so because everytime when I'm in church and serving in ministry, it's always a new learning experience and I'm the kind of person that needs wake up calls constantly.
Pst. Ulf Ekman was here in our church to have a revivial conference for the last 3 days and indeed it was very ministering, especially today when the presence of God was really really strong. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the presence of God and until then, i think you can hear the solund of a pin on the floor! Haha.. But it's not the silence really.. It's really the tangible presence of God that gives you the peace at heart and calm of mind. Can never and will never forget that experience...

Anyway I'd finished my Proteomics paper last Friday and thank God it was a manageable (is that how you spell it?) paper although there are some questions which I didn't know how to do. Can't really concentrate but still hoping for an A for that module. Next up is BTN paper of which I'm only gonna start studying like Tuesday? Lol... After that it'll be external presentations, camps and more camps!! FOC here i come!! =)

Now I must consider striking a balance between ministry and cell group. Can't really seem to balance both of them but I'm just gonna try my best though. If you can't have the best of both worlds, you just got to strike a balance.

I really wonder if most friendships I have during my poly days, are gonna last? I know for sure some will, but what about the rest? Sometimes I really wonder why the change in attitude last time from the way people treats me. Suddenly after FOC all turn so cold and all.. And it's the whole group of them. Never mind.. It's always good to move on.

What else can I blog about? I seriously got no idea. I'll just make do with what I have for now though~. toodles!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Hey guys.. something for u guys to destress with..

Click here

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I dun dare to face the truth.. Why? So many dilemmas in my mind right now.. After reading your email I really don't know what to say already.. I'm just awstruck. There are other things which I don't want to face, just got no courage to. I know I have to survive through this stage and I know I can. But I just don't want to try. WhY?

I just don't want to try...


Still thinking of whether to go work or to go for camp first then work... Man.. Actual FOC ends on 14th Apr, and trial camp starts on the 18th Mar. That's 3 weeks with one week break of doing nothing and I need the money...

Argh... best that I can give tuition though... oh wells... just wanna do some complain on this blog of mine..


I knelt to pray but not for long, I had too much to do.

I had to hurry and get to work For bills would soon be due.

So I knelt and said a hurried prayer, and jumped up off my knees.

My Christian duty was now done.

My soul could rest at ease.

All day long I had no time.To spread a word of cheer.

No time to speak of Christ to friends, they'd laugh at me I'd fear.

No time, no time, too much to doThat was my constant cry.

No time to give to souls in needBut at last the time, the time to die.

I went before the Lord, I came, I stood with downcast eyes.

For in his hands God held a book; It was the book of life.

God looked into his book and said, "Your name I cannot find. I once was going to write it down... But never found the time"

John 15:6-7
"If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up,thrown into the fire and burned.If you remain in me and my words remain in you,ask whatever you wishand it will be given to you."

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Not sure if all are a coincidence but the songs I'm listening to right now, all seem to tell me to lean back more to God, to invite Him into my life more.. Haha..

My life is never the same with you around anymore. You set me on the momentum for change, even if it's so hard but I would just allow the Spirit to change me from within. You make me so observant and sharp of my surroundings and constantly telling me that You will never give up on me.
Because through You, I am able to change the lives of others, be it directly or indirectly, blessing people. It is You too, who's being the one able to change my heart, soften it, mould it constantly that I'm sensitive to You, my surroundings and the Holy Spirit.
As a result my pirorties in life are changed dramatically, in which I learn to put You first because the Bible says so but soon enough I came to realise that I want to do that because for anyone that have been with me, blessing me and loving me I'm willing to do anything for You.
In Your presence, I will never be judged, condemned, be put down by sarcastic remarks. But whatever mistakes I made I'll be forgiven, I'm always on the move for change and forever I'll be praised and rewarded for the good things I had done. And You are the one always there for me.

Who are You?
You are the Almighty God, whom I worship with the highest praise I can offer.


Was talking to Deborah just now and she said that I look really tired.. Do I? Haha.. Only know I was sick (and still recovering) but I'm sure I had enough sleep. Oh well.. Haha..

Anyway today was my internal presentation. Can't use the slides we used for the Life Science Summit and got to change 70% of our slides totally. Realised it can be of real differences in types of presentations required when Dr Gandhi is alone and when Dr Zaman is around with Dr Gandhi. Hah.. ANyway change is still a must and so will change whatever it is and improve on the existing slides. Haha. So instead of 30 mins, the whole presentation took us an hour but thank God that they were there. I just know that with the kind of standard for our slides without recommendations by supervisors, really cannot make it for the external presentation.

Was reading a blog and I just thought of something about his sister... But in any case perhaps that's not the real issue. Even if she backslides, I know one day she will still slide back to God and I hope that if she still sees herself loving God, she'll be going to church all again and all. In fact it'll be a pity for anyone to backslide, not just her. Wow... Suddenly I found myself trusting Him so much and not carrying this burden alone. Haha.. That should be a good thing I believe. Haha..

I'll shall blog till here. Gonna study for Proteomics paper that's due on Friday. Hehee. All the best to people having exams out there.


Life certainly doesn't remain the same when you get to know about things and you can't seem to change it no matter how hard you try.

We all make mistakes, and we do learn from mistakes. I can say I'd already learnt from my mistakes and I'm hoping for a chance when I can redeem for my mistakes. Sigh... I know I can't move on with this burden, the something which I so hope that it can be resolved. To a certain extent I'm starting to lose grip of what I can do now.

Something that i thought of and with reference to the Bible..
Always,

Be quick to think.

Be quick to pray.

Be quick to praise.

Never,

Be quick but slow to anger;

Be quick but slow to judge;

Be quick but slow speak.

Very often our mouth reacts faster than our heart. Before you could speak of something of common sense, you'll find yourself blurting out something you don't mean it. Be quick to learn not to judge but to analyse so that we won't make mistakes. Imagine you looking at someone that has tatoos all over and you might think he is a criminal but perhaps he's someone that's of a nice character but the tatoos were just part of his interest. We judge people based on their appearances that we don't look at things deep down which matters the most.

Move slower to move faster.

Take a little longer before you speak.

Take time to order your thoughts.

Take time to prepare properly.

So many demands, so much to do;

The temptation to rush is overwhelming.But.

Stop! Sit...

Even right now!For an hour.

Consider God. Think about your plans.

Then... Act.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Ever wonder what does success or failures actually mean and how closely related are they to you? Let's have a look. =)

S - Sense of Direction

When we have a target or aim for us to work on, we have a vision of where we are going to, in the direction we had set in the first place. It's only when you have a sense of direction will you be able to plan ahead. =)

U - Understanding

With communication as the basis of life, it is important that we are able to communicate well so that we can be successful both in their lives and ours. How do we do that? By learning to show respect to others by listening, separate fact from opinion and most importantly, learn to communicate!!

C - Courage

Courage is the prerequisite for creating change. If we want something to be changed we have to be daring to not only say we want to change, but we have to do it too. But courage doesn't mean being a hero in moment of crisis, but to act boldly for the little things like pursuing your goals with opposition. It also includes the willingness to make mistakes or risked being ridiculed. It can also mean consciously choosing new behaviour or attitude.

C - Charity

By learning to further someone's success can you also further your success. We do not need to fear that by helping people, it is actually hindering ourselves from being successful. It gives us an insight on how can we help other people that others may help us in our work to become successful. We sow what we reap, by learning to sow into others' lives for their success will we reap with other people sowing in our lives for our success.

E - Esteem

A healthy self esteem is the cornerstone to success. As we are have the self esteem, we do things with confidence and we need not fear that people will laugh at us because we understand ourselves what capabilities we have, where are our limits. A low self esteem is equivalent to digging and designing our destruction!! *Low esteem not equal to being modest* Everyone is unique, we must learn to identify that and put it in high regard because it's a precondition to happiness and success, not egotism.

S - Self Confidence

By believing yourself as a confident and competent being, you are able to do many things. We must always remember that we are successful people, not failures. If we meet with a failure, it's just a stepping stone for our success.

S - Self Acceptance

We must learn to accept who we are, acknowledge our worthiness that we may not try to be someone else because we can never impersonate other people to create success for ourselves. By recognising your own worth, you can then be able to do great things.

So these are the qualities for success. Let's look at how we can identify signs of failures in our life.

F - Fustration

You can be either fustrated with people or yourself in times of failure when you start to blame why did it failed etc.
It's usually the warning sign for change. We must be able to evaluate the cause of the change and act on the cause to stop ourselves from being fustrated if such a thing happens again.

A - Aggresiveness

A question most commonly asked is "Why is this happening to me?" and lots of questions that start with why. This is usually the worst questions you can ask. And usually you would sink into aggressiveness whereby you would bash things up or throw things around.
How about being slow to anger but quick to think and evaluate "What can I do to turn things around?"

I - Insecurity

It leads to false beliefs and you don't have the motivation to go anywhere. You tend to settle with unrealistic goals and try means and ways to achieve them but you will still fail. This adds on to your 'List of Failures'. You tend to grab on to what you have and not willing to let go.

L - Loneliness

There is a feeling of emptiness within you that you feel dejected. You might even sink into depression because you fail to receive care and love from people around you.
Try to identify that it is different from being alone because when you are alone, you are able to do work with productivity.

U - Uncertainty

You are unsure of your purpose in life and you can be misled easily. You will tend to hold back and not do anything so as to avoid mistakes and not learn to take risks that can help you to breakthrough anymore.
We should have the failth that we can do it, that we should learn to pick ourselves up from mistakes instead of avoiding it. We have to be certain to make strong and good decisions to overcome our anxiety.

R - Resentment

Resentment robs people of their happiness, of their souls and their feelings. All they have within them is hatred owards people that they are unwilling to forgive this certain person or forget this particular incident.
We should try to release our resentments because it is a burden that stops us from even looking forward.

E - Emptiness

It causes us to have a poor self image whereby we lead a life that's meaningless, purposeless and hopeless. It's something beyond the stage of loneliness. Because of that we don't have a sense of direction and we tend to have low self esteem.


We have to recognise that failures is not fatal but a stepping stone to greater success and a strong signal for us to change, to be stronger in life.

That's all folks. Hope it's not too bombastic for you guys. Haha.


I just hope really that I can change without harming others. I fail to understand the needs of others at the expense of my own reasons and principles. It's true that we don't compromise our own life principles for others, but do we have to consider if our own principles are actually hurting others? I seriously think we need to.

Sorry if my recent entries are all of deep thoughts or somehow negative. I can just say that this whole week are just one remarkable journey for myself to look back, ponder upon, learn from it and move on. Life has to move on. However as I'm moving on, I don't want to leave behind the hurts of others behind, which I'm hoping for a day of which I can help to heal the hurt that I'd caused. Any form of it. I'm not stopping there because I know I shouldn't. I want to be a good testimony for Christ too, all the more reason why I shouldn't be hurting people but if I do, I want to do something about it. I really hope I can get to talk to you again.

Juust thinking through for this last week is definitely more real than the last other 18 years of my life. During this period God never seemed more real to me. The Spirit talking to me, telling me what should or should not be done, the birthdays that i'd planned that really leave people feel loved, regaining something that I thought I had lost, things that surfaced that's up to me to change etc. So many things...

Although I feel fustrated at times, so helpless, but He's there to tell me that He's there for me. yet I don't yield towards Him, just so plain lazy. But every time His presence comes in, He tells me that He will always stand by me, because His presence around me during times when I'm down means He still cares and loves me.

It's because of such a journey that I can become a greater testimony for Him. Successes and failures in my or your life can be used as great testimonies for Him because when your failures turn into success, it shows forth the glory of the Lord in yours and my life. Praiase Him for that.

There is a need for a change in me and God I allow you to change me for the better because it's You that matters to me. When everyone on earth cannot be with me when I need them, You are the one that can and will always stand by me. =)

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Every thing changed since 1 year ago. My perspective for friendship or relationship had changed quite a real bit. My perspective was that regardless if people are there for you or they are not, it doesn't matter as long as every where you go, you have someone to talk to and all that matters was company. Quite superficial right? No matter how they used to mock at me or bully me, I won't say anything because all I needed was their company so as not to experience loneliness.

Anyway so after I got to know the guys in my CG currently. I start to see that friends do include care and concern, but all out of the motivation to bless to care for the person. All out of love. So now then, my kind of friends ain't those that just come and go, but people whom I look up too and they will always be there to advice me and they won't make use of you, their only purpose is to befriend you to build you up and make sure you improve to become a better person. Sounds impossible for such people to exist? Well, I have just got this kind of people to support me, the fantastic people that can change my life totally with God.

Of course my life also revolves around the friends outside church, like those in school. I went through my rough piece of relationships and friendships, I lose friends at the expense of my own ignorance and I lose the respect. Even as a leader I tend not to uphold the values I believe in at times. Well, all these were a past. The friends that I have now, I'm going to make them last regardless of what happens but of course it takes 2 hands to clap. It's the belief that friends can last forever and friendships can be maintained that is the most crucial. So whatever I have now, I'm going to treasure it. Let this day be the day when I would start afresh to make things right for now.

God call on us not to be loners but be team players, to be in fellowship with one another, to press in into each other's lives to support each other. There's no such thing as one-man show unless you are really that capable but I believe even you will have a limit. But as a team, many things can happen, miracles can take place! So among friends, there's nothing but advantages.


One thing to highlight though, about loneliness and being lonely which are totally 2 different things. Loneliness is a state whereby things are done without a purpose and person is unable to concentrate. But being alone is different.
Being alone means you are able to concentrate to become productive to work. So when you are alone, learn to identify what state are you in. If you are being lonely, good for you because you know that your friends will still be around for you but if you are feeling loneliness. Please seek help because you will be in a state of insecurity of not knowing if your friends are here with you.

Hope my above entry will prove useful to people out there. Work hard on making your friendships a success!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Now's 11.52pm.. quite late for some of us. Anyway today had been quite a better day i realised, as compared to yesterday. Yestderday was really harsh to a certain extent and I kind of cried? Haaa. But I just got to move on.

Some things to point out...

Anyway thanks for the comfort and the assurance you gave to me yesterday and sorry that I had gotten you worried and all. Don't worry that I won't sink into any depression, I won't allow myself to. It's just another tough week that's going to make me stronger for the future. Anyway I pray this friendship will be maintained or if better, grow stronger. In fact it's the same for all my other friendships but in any case, it's the last lap le before we graduate. Jiayou! I'm glad that we had the conversation though, if not I might have gone bonkers. Ha. But the past is the past le. Yea.

Huinee, regardless of whatever happened the previous night I do apologize. I didn't mean it to happen and I must admit it's my fault. Anyway I shan't be blowing up my temper anymore and should just respect your choice. I believe you got the best interests of everyone in it too. If possible when it's due season you just tell me about it, k?

Xue'er, thanks for the wonderful advices you had given and I truly never regret having this pal and a nice nice loving sister in Christ also that really whack me although it does hurt at times. HAha.. The things about what i need to change, the problems that's within me, how I should change etc etc etc, you are just there to guide me. Thanks again! =) Still looking forward to fellowshipping with you although I do wonder if your chicken pox is still dangerous! haha..

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Like I mentioned in my previous entry, it does seem significant or rather very significant when God just want you to change something inside you, He would make it very, very obvious and somehow I think, breakthrough is just on the way that I need to be changed to receive it. Anyway that aside, if you guys find that I'm incorrigible or you guys get irritated by what I'm dong, please feel free to whack me so that I can change for the better k? Change can never be done by one person alone, even if it's a change of character because external factors are important too. FOr example, it does take one person to raise a revolution but it takes a group of people to make it happen, right? Heee..

Yea, can't wait for Sunday! Haha.. Cell group meetings gonna be fun, going for services twice and really hoping some of my friends can join me but somehow I hadn;t done anything proper yet? Haha.. But still hoping for a miracle. Lol.! I forsee this weekend is going to be exciting, that's why!! haha.. February is coming to an end in 10 days time and here comes March, which means my time to graduate from Ngee Ann!! HAHAHAHAHAH!! Gonna miss the school and sometimes how weird that so many of my juniors are actually coming to my school, but why after my graduation?? Dot.

There are so many things that I can't wait to do, really, been too excited I believe. Haha. Tons and tons of things that I want to make it happen!!!!! But time is the crucial factor. Remembered Pst saying before that you can do so many things but if it's not at the right moment it's bound to fail or it's simply a waste of effort. How true eh? Haha.

Anyway that's all for now~

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Yea.. Exams are coming.. Got one next Fri and the other paper on the next Friday. Haha.. Kind of anxious about that because even after the exams, there would still be an external interview plus presentation regarding the Final Year Project. Gonna go all out for it and really hope for a job back in my attachment place before going to NS. SOmetimes it's good to go back to a place u r so familiar with. Haha.

Somehow I believe it's not a coincidence that the same thing keeps appearing in front of me over and over again for the last 2 days. It's almost like God telling me, "You got to face this, you have to solve it." Like the emphasis is so strong that you can't miss it? God is so interesting at times. Haha..

Tomorrow's BTN Term test. Kind of freaking out over it coz lecturees were skipped and I can;t absorb in facts, not as well as last time though. And I have to score in my calculations so that I can balance up my score. Haha.. After tomorrow it's going to be a fun-filled Saturday and Sunday. Hahaha..

Anyway this afternoon really thanks for your understanding and clearing up the air. Thanks again. This friendship will definitely be maintained, don't worry. =)

Anyway that's about all le. Another verse for you guys to enjoy. =)


Mark 11:24-25 (NLT) -

"I tell you, you can pray for anything and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too."


Somehow I feel I'm going through a lot this coming month. Maybe I'm not praying enough or God is trying to test me, I don't really know. Although it's just 2 weeks into February, many thing sure happened and it's simply a roller coaster ride to me. Things that happened at home, in school with friends and my partner, church and cell group and my spiritual life jsut when so many things start to surface. (And I can't believe I'm living through all these day by day?)
God is really looking at me right now, waiting for me to make the move to solve the problem, to seek His face more, revealing all these mistakes so that I might not repeat them in the future.

So many things!! *SOme days ago I think I almost went crazy with my negative thoughts as seen from my previous entries* Some things had being good though, but can be quite extreme to those things I'd mentioned above. Like 2 ends of temperature, fiery hot and icy cold. And I have a revelation of these kind of things.

In this crucial period, it's pretty important to seek the face of God, to really understand what He's trying to do in my life, and if I don't do that, surely such a life will continue, no doubts about that. All the visions and dreams that were given to you, won't ever come to past any longer. Sad right? Leading a life without visions and dreams, and it simply makes a life so dead.

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Anyway this is for you if you are reading this.

It had being a nice one month knowing you and talking to you. No doubt life had being more interesting with you around and I always look forward to talking to you online. I always hope this won't stop even up till we graduate. Please do not have the idea that I'm wooing you although I have a liking for you. I know it's impossible and all I hope is that we would just remain as friends and nothing more. It's very funny because one moment we may be talking and next we seem not to know each other.

I apologize if any side of me made you feel disgusted. No intention that things would turn out that bad. But in any case before the school ends for all of us, I hope we can still talk to each other like last time or even a normal 'Hi' or 'Bye' would be good?

I just don't want to lose this friendship. I know something is wrong, somehow. That's why I'm typing all these in this entry. Hope you would be reading it and the message would be clear though.

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To Pris.

Hey girl, if you are reading this I would thank God for a friend like you although the meeting for us was sort of weird. The last week was sure enjoyable and glad that you are still going on well. In any case thanks for waking me up on some occasions and you do make me realise how unneccessary my actions or words can be. Be sure I would bear that in mind k? You definitely helped me with your scoldings! Haha!!

Yea.. You do take care now that you are sick k? Bwhahaha!!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

I guess the principle applies for all. We are all given choices. That means we have the power and authority to choose, to turn the tables around if we have to.

If you have the motivation to want something, definitely the human mind will be determined to get it done, unless the flesh is not willing to achieve it for you. That's why people say always learn to overcome your weak flesh with a strong mind. It's the same for Christianity. The flesh is always the one weakening your will because it would tell you "No, you can't do it, just leave it aside and enjoy yourself", "Learn to relax, don't think so much", "I'll just sleep for 5 minutes more", "Why don't I leave it till tomorrow to finish up what I have today?", "Oh man, what happens if I do this, but what if I don't do it?".

Sounds familiar to you people? Well, it definitely sound familiar to me, especially the "I'll just sleep for 5 minutes more" part as very often I would end up waking up 5 hours later maybe? Haha.. So contradicting.. The flesh would serve as a distraction to what you aim to do, to what you want to accomplish with excellence. A piece of work which seem easy for you to do well may suddenly seem so difficult to do, or you simply can't bring out the excellence to that piece of work. That's what many of us would go through and we would start thinking why this happens. One cause can be we are not determined to do it well enough and the flesh is distracting us from putting our 100% effort into it, hence making it less satisfactory.

How do we solve it then? By reading the Word of God, not applying the Word to our life but applying our life to the Word. It does make a great difference. If we apply the Word to our life, what we are living is just a set of rules and moral principles but if we apply our life to the Word, we start to lead a ZOE life like God's because the Word would seem so enjoyable and lively to live by that it's not a set of regulations or principles, but a way of life for us. We allow the flesh to lose its power to control us, to tempt us and we have the power in the Spirit to overcome it. Definitely.
That's why everyday we should make it a point to read the Word. Not to forget about the Spirit too. Haha.. Besides reading the Word, everyday during our quiet time, we should always pray to seek the face of God, to be completely renewed in our mind and refreshed in His Spirit that we will not grow weary of what we are doing because we are depending on His strength to do the work. In the Bible it wrote " Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Only when we have the Spirit and the Word together can we grow up, to be more decisive and can accomplish great things with excellence, and not dry up nor blow up.

Anyway that's all for me but I'll shall leave one verse for you readers like I always do!

Psalm 139 (NLT) -

1 O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my every thought when far away.
3 You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am.
4 You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD.
5 You both precede and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to know!
7 I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are both alike to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous--and how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me,O God! They are innumerable!
18 I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up in the morning, you are still with me!
19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you; your enemies take your name in vain.
21 O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you? Shouldn't I despise those who resist you?
22 Yes, I hate them with complete hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Haha.. today feel a bit weird coz I'm spending today alone without any partner like in 3 years? Lol.. But kind of good in a sense, well, you don't actually feel any burden to a certain extent. Not saying that relationships are a burden, but they do wear you down at times because of the high commitment levels and all. And I think at my current status I don't think I'm ready for one yet? Haha.. Already I'm not spending eough time at home. =(

Well, even if it's not Happy Valentine's Day, to me it's still Happy Friendship Day! Haha. Well, if you don't get to celebrate with your loved ones, celebrate with your friends!! Give a rose to your female friends as a form of appreciation for being with you this far as friends, or send cards to make them feel loved. For the guys, probably can give them words of encouragement to maybe find a date so that next year's Valentine's Day it won't be so 'lonely'? HAHA!

Hahaha.. Anyway thanks for the encouragement from huinee and xue;er/ Hee. thanks again! I'm feeling much better already. Start to see things in the light of the LORD and the joy of the LORD is my strength! So yea..

Gonna spend the evening in church later hahaha.. Other than that going to stay at home studying for IL2 prac exam tml. oh wells! heee..

Toodles!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

My heart is so cold right now...

I'm crying right from my heart right now...

How could i ever be so foolish to let history repeat itself?

I'm actually allowing the worst to happen, all because I'm careless, fail to take the whole picture into consideration, being truthful.

Am i still worthy to be what I want to be?

I can no longer find the self I want to become because of what I did.

I fail my duty as a person, and let alone to face people.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Seriously I'd never gone through this before and now I'm sinking into melancholy mood le .

I can't seem to understand myself. I can be good at certain areas but I seem to be receiving negative comments on other areas of my life. It's just so weird, and both can be so extreme that I start to wonder who I am really. If I'm undergoing a character change which I'm not aware of (least it's not that obvious), it seem way too chaotic for me le.

Just asked a friend how in her impression I am as a person. So far good comments. But thanks~ Well, things are going so weird for me. Sigh.. Hope I'm not a 2-faced person. Don't know la.

Argh.. Sometimes I'm not the person I seem to present myself as but I'm able to achieve that standard. Dun understand? Neither do i.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

haha.. I'M FINALLY DONE WITH MY FYP REPORT!!!! which is due for submission tomorrow. well, it's gonna go through some minor edits (i hope) after letting Dr Gandhi vet through later. but still, YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway now i'm feeling super tired right now although i slept for an hour just now at Holland V Starbucks while my dear partner was editing through the report (oops!!) Haha.. anyway, I did help la.. haha..

gonna dread tomorrow because there's an LSSS exam on at 4pm!! *sigh* and i'm done studying yet. still got exactly another 24 hours before the paper since it's 4pm right now. dot..

i'm super cranky right now so dun mind if i'm over reacting over the first few paragraphs! ahahaha.. quite happy over what's going to be over the weekends also!! why? coz sat it's going to be a fun time at CG.. anyway this is for adelyn and lingling: It's not a dread to come because i tell u it's gonna be fun, really!! (I'm personally involved so i know...) got games, then the whole theme gonna be different... and got surprise also!!!! so of course the more the merrier!!! just come come ok? If you are afraid of no time to study then we can organise study grps to study with u de.. really no harm coming down also!!!!!!!!!! HEHEHEHE!!!
I'll be serving on Sunday also in church after say, 3 weeks? Lol.. Somehow it's the joy of the Lord that serves as my strength that's why many a time people ask me why I don't feel tired going to church or even to serve, spending so much time in church etc. Well, it's because I enjoy what i'm doing, it's the passion and the fire that keeps me going! =)

ok.. i'm really going bonkers le!! haha.. I WANT TO GO WATCH MOVIE!!!! 4-6 months of no movie is a KILLER!!!!!!!!!! Anyone willing to accompany me??? too bad my pal is sick and alot of people i'd approached all say not free... so.... SigH~~~~~

sorry if i'm really getting dramatic down here? I'm lack of sleep but yet i'm so...... erm.. nvm. haha.!!!!!

currently talking to xue'er now.. hahaha.. really my pal sia.. know me really well~~ Lol.. never regret having this fren~~ Lol!

toodles!!!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

now it's like 7.43pm.. feeling super vexed and sian right now.. arrrr... the report is driving me crazy and i onl finished my part today at 3pm despite sleeping at 3am the same day morning. sigh.. final report submission is on this fri. =X

being a chaotic week myself also, and not to forget being overly exhausted over the weekend and stuff. well... all the assignments would be due soon and not to forget that i'm gonna graduate in like 6 weeks i think? and exams coming in 2 weeks! eeks! see how stressed poly life can be.. i will never agree that poly life is slack, it's just fun filled with cool people and ccas. Haha..

Gonna apply for uni application too. heh.. now it's really the time to think about how my future is going to be like although i hate to doing that. well, you can't forever stay in your own comfort zone forever. =)

Let's see what else... oh ya. feelings had been really mixed recently, kind of like someone, but i dun think it's possible seriously.. so many factors are involved but oh well.. i wun think about it so much.. later get myself into more trouble and that's it for me. haha.. be back later~~

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Just came back from home from shopping. Haha.. anyway i wun be blogging much.. think for now i'm just blogging for the sake of blogging.

my bro is sick right now though.. and God just hit me about doing things out of my comfort zone.. I know i can't stay within my comfort zone forever. Things which are good can never stay long.. They are always there to be improved to make them better, but often with sacrifices necessary.

Will come back to blog again regarding last week's Life Science Summit and yup..

toodles.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Had a friutful coversation with a pal of mine. We were chatting and chatting and suddenly we shifted to the topic of healing the hurts within our hearts. She mentioned that while she was doing her QT, she experienced the presence of God around her and knew that God was healing the hurts inside her, all of it that she had been through.

Somehow i just teared. It's really out of nowhere that tears just start flowing down. I knew it was the love of God. It just seemed so loving and nice.. Reminded me of all the hurts i'd been through as early as i could remember. All that concerned between myself and the family and with my friends.

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Very often people will wonder what's love, and all will have different definitions about it. Some say love is all about caring for others, willing to accept the mistakes the other party has committed and willing to stand by the person no matter what happens. Quite true don't you think?
Here's my definition of love: Besides willing to accept other people's mistakes or for who they are and standing by their side no matter what happens, we should also help the person to change for the better, however not under pressure but out of love. If possible, we can go the extra edge for the person to care for the him/her.

This is what I got from my Abba father and from my parents. They are always there not abandoning me because I'm disobedient or rebellious, and there are the ones who truly loves me because I can feel it.
They are the ones also who would be there to correct me when i'm wrong regardless of anything and I can be so amazed by what they actually do for me, no matter how little the things may be. I remember Pst Joyce Meyers saying that it is the little things that create the differences in people's lives. How true.
Small actions like a simple call to ask "Are you hungry?", "Be back home early k?" simply touches the hearts more than buying things for me although there is satisfaction in those things.

It's the same for my Abba father. I know He hasn't given up on me although I had given up on Him once. I can still feel His presence whenever I think of Him, and no matter how disobedient I may be, He's still there to waiting for me to return to Him to be His obedient child once again.
Indeed He has been blessing me, with friends around me, with achievements in academics etc.
ANy reason why God has to do all these for me? Because He's my Father in heaven who constantly thinks of me and blessing me, standing by me always, all for one reason, He loves me.

I wish that in a relationship, such kind of love would exist, where there's mutual understanding and there's no action of compromise under pressure but everything that is done is out of love. When things start happening because of love, all things will not be too difficult because you are equipped with what it takes to overcome obstacles.

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That aside, I hope you are reading this...

God doesn't give up or forsake anyone in this world, He loves us all. And He accepts you for all the hurts you had been through. I know you are going through a lot and might have seem to cause hurts to the people around you too.
But there's no reason to distant yourself away from your friends. I can tell you that you are not the source of all the hurts that was created, because God's people only loves, they don't create hurts. There's always a time when we feel down and all. But who says being a Christian is easy? We are constantly going through trials and tribulations and you are going through one yourself right now.

Imagine that once you are detached from the world, what good will it be for you? Why not try to be in a company of friends that can really support you and provide love and care? I was once like you also, very negative but I learnt to seek strength from Him and it is the positive people around me that really got me out of the world of loneliness and negativity.

Just remember we are called to love and to be in fellowship with others, not causing hurts and being distant from other people. I hope that once you read this you will have a revelation from God about how to pick yourself up.

I'll still be praying for you dearly my friend and i'll be there if you need anyone...

With God's love, signing off.

You Are 13 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

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Junius Solomon, 21!
serving NS and can't wait to be doing more for God!!

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If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashame, my love will get you home.
If its only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home

Boy, my love will get you home
Boy, my love will get you home