Wednesday, November 30, 2005

haha.. lame title i know..

i want to watch the movie magadsascar!! anyone got the vcd to dvd for me to borrow? haha.. dying to watch it!!

anyway within a week we are moving to expo hall 8!! yay.. a much bigger place for us but more distance to travel also i think..

haven;t start work yet.. die.. dunno how to wake up at 8am tomorrow.. sian.. haha..

tired tired tired..

it got me home
12:21:00 AM

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Hey.. I'm back!! hahaha..

it had been a slack day for the last 2 days.. didn't manage to do any experiments for my FYP.. everything is like on hold right now because of some troubleshooting of the problems encountered for the last 2 weeks. Heh..

and i'm getting more and more tired.. dunno why. i'm very stressed also. for no reasons i can get headaches and they come on and off.. like there's no end and it can get so serious till i can't even concentrate.arrrr!! in any case.. today had been a slack day though. was in the lab for less than 15 mins, went for lunch with bav, des and weizhong before meeting julian for proj discussion. and i must say it was a good sharing session though. that's what i call 'fellowship'!!

after that rush to outside co-op for PBL discussion. almost went into a 'fight of knowledge' with one of my members. haha.. like she's throwing a lot of things at me like i don't know anything. but actually she's not as bad as other people describe.. except for her occasional small actions that many people don't like her? well.. just my 1st impression working with her.. one more pbl to go.

was so tired.,.. anyway.. more assignments are coming. let me see what do i have on hand now.. BTN and LSSS Term Papers, FYP, 2 Proteomics PBL, Life Science Summit. that's all for now... ya.. now only.. more will come i believe..

anyway.. gotta start wirk soon.. PBL presentation coming.. stressed.. but i shall perservere on!! hehe.. that's all for now.. toodles.

Prov 13:20 -
He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.

it got me home
7:54:00 PM

Sunday, November 27, 2005

here i am.. blogging.. I had a super fun time but hectic though.. spent the whole day in church.. A pretty cool thing to do on a Sunday I realised. Reached church early but went down to Boon lay to meet up with Xue'er. Seriously needed her ideas on Linda's card.. hahaha.. because the card looked kind of plain..

After which met up with Yuan Shan to pass him to card to let the rest of the members write their greetings on it. Heee.. Had to quickly rush off back to church because i got ministry training.. I didn't know being an usher is so fun.. except that i got to be more tactful.. had an overall orientation. the brother who brought me and the rest around seem pretty nice but was quite blur myself while doing some things. I'm never good at things the 1st time. Haha..

Come to think of it. I think it'll help quite alot as I'm more familiar being an usher.. Serving is one matter but i feel it's more of the character build-up as you interact with new people, communication with your peers, experiencing the unexpected and the super-hard to tackle situations bla bla bla. Allows someone to be more mature in handling new tasks and tactful with how he/she does things etc. Still, we are serving the people, and our one and only God. =)

Still, today's experience was pretty exciting. i wasn't bold in approaching people. had to let the other ushers make the 1st move. Then things got a little better but still there are much things to learn..

Really thank God for today.. the move of God was really strong among the congregation today during the paise and worship. for once really.. i felt the fear for God.. it was really strong.. God's presence just came upon me.. and i felt my heart experiencing sth like no other.. then just came to realise it's the fear of God. That's something i really need right now, as i want to enter a new place with HIm and be able to discipline myself.. a lot of things are going wrong because i fail to discipline myself.. so yup. Thank God for that.

Many a time, thanksgiving and sharing testimonies, does not have to concern what God does in physical all the time, but can also be something spiritual too. Heee..

Anyway today my CG celebrated Linda's bday today. Heard from Xue'er that she was touched (slightly) today.. so hahaha.. i dunno what does that represent too.. but as long as she like the card can le. heh.. missed out on CG debrief totally.. sian man.. but just in time for Bro Chris's celebration. Man.. it was a really grand one.. and one thing i don't understand is if my name that hard to pronoouce.. just don't understand. heh..

k.. that's all for now.. till later. (sorry if there are no links between paragraphs and my topics are jumping about.. brain not working right..) ;P

Eph 3:20 - 21:
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

it got me home
8:33:00 PM

hey guys.. go ahead and try this. Test to see how your mind works. (got this from bird's blog.)

If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot, you will only see one color, pink. If you stare at the black + in the center, the moving dot turns to green. Now, concentrate on the black + in the center of the picture. After a short period of time, all the pink dots will slowly disappear, and you will only see a green dot rotating if you're lucky! It's amazing how our brain works. There really is no green dot, and the pink ones really don't disappear. This should be proof enough, we don't always see what we think we see.

it got me home
3:07:00 AM

Saturday, November 26, 2005

just got enrolled into usher ministry. haha.. happy sia.. finally got some ministry which i can serve regularly, apart from the ad-hoc youthworks ministry. Heee..

had a talk with S.VIc this afternoon. realised that God doesn't waste anything that goes through your life, even failures. It just helps to build you up. Maybe all that i'm going through now had being intended for me thousands of years ago. although i had resigned from Soleil and got pretty upset by it because it's something i really wun want to let go.. it's not the end of the world yet, life still goes on. Life with God carries on and it's going to get stronger. The devil did try to get to me and i almost backslided.. well.. least after a good night sleep, everything starts anew. and i mean everything/

today was a good start though. Although i did get lazy initially, least i got things done. still got to learn to do the more impt things first than relaxing first. Haha.. got to drill that into my head. well.. some things did get better, some are still waiting for me to pack it up with God. =)

just came back from xue'er's concert. It was a nice one though. So happen to see my primary school fiend, Brandon and so amazingly, he can still remember me after 7 years of not meeting up ever since primary sch graduation. Haha.. guess my face just didn't change at all. =) and saw samantha too. pretty surprised to see her but anyway ya. bought a lily for xue'er for her concert mah. some sort like congrats for her performance in concert and so happen that it's her favourite flower. Haha..

tomorrow's pastor phil pringle's weekend services and CCC is coming!! yay!! bet the service is gonna be great. hehee.. tomorrow gonna be a hectic day at church though. mus plan my time well le.. monday got project meeting and friday's the presentation!!! arrrr!!! got to read scientific papers too!!! lol.. well.. that's all..

think that's all for now.. keeping my posts short though i can write long posts. Haha.. toodles people.

1 John 1:7
But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

it got me home
11:54:00 PM

It's so cold.. My heart is so cold now. I can no longer experience any warmth and love. I'm like a zombie. What you see me in person may just be a mask i'm putting up.

If you ask me to pray, I'm afraid to pray. I'm afraid of receiving love once again because i lost something dear that constitutes love. I'm afraid to love another person, even as a friend.

I'm so tired now. I'm so tired. Do i require anyone's help? I dunno. Even if there's help, i might not accept it.

it got me home
12:52:00 AM

Friday, November 25, 2005

I was looking through some friendster profiles and i happened to come across one person's. And i realised something. Many a time people don't stay on their tracks, they move on. Such a thing is good, in fact may be good to all around him/her. People have to move forward. But i'm wondering if sometimes we just move too fast in and out of someone's life, like there's no purpose to it at all. Well.. each to his own views.

My mind is in a blank now. Shall blog later.. toodles.

it got me home
10:05:00 PM

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Came back from church-wide BS not long ago.. i must say it's pretty tiring and taxing to run around to and fro.. haha.. can't wait for the shift to Expo.. i think by then my transport would be so convenient then. Haha.. much more convenient i mean.. and the space there will be so much bigger!! hahaha..

anyway.. if u had seen my title.. it's named 'Focus'. Realized that very often.. we sidetrack from what we are doing, and into doing sth less important. we just got distracted. How true so true.. Distraction comes in, because they are around us, and we choose to pay attention to them. If we choose to ficus on the important things we do, we can just solely concentrate on it and not be distracted. Imagine when you are putting 100% of your time and effort on a task but you sudden;y got distracted and you made a mistake. Suddenly all hell break loose and you may have to repeat what you did. So it's a pretty bad thing to be distracted. Hahaa..

And also focus is all about being productive too. When you put 100% to something, very often you get the results that you want, maybe even more than you ask for. But when you start to lose your focus and start to do things at a wide scale like multi-tasking at one time, you lose your effectiveness in doing that thing to your best capabilities. Your 100% effort will be distributed, to maybe 50% in everything that you do. The plan of enlarging your focus to do more things may even backfire because you may not be able to achieve anything.

Had this exammple of Coca-Cola and Pepsi Co. haha.. Coca-Cola and Pepsi are known to be rivalries of each other since time started.. so .. (till now they are still fighting.. ) Pepsi started to expand their business into doing restaurant fast food chains. Of which KFC, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell are also under Pepsi. :P So till now they have at least 24 ooo restaurants under the name 'Pepsi'. On the other hand, Coca-Cola just concentrated on their product Coca-Cola drink and focused on it.
End result: in terms of revenue, we might expect Pepsi to do much better because they got extra business to earn their revenue from. So Pepsi in a year earned US$40+ billion bucks in revenue just last year i think. But when we compare to Coca-Cola, it actually yearned US$93 billion!! So as from what you can see, the power of focus!! hahaha..

anyway i'm kind of bored too.. so early now!!! but cannot sleep.. my FYP.. haiz.. so scared man.. results keep going wrong, experiments giving me problems. Dot.. Headache!!! anyway.. gonna graduate soon.. another phase of my life ending soon..

so much of other things to blog.. but maybe later.. cya peeps.

it got me home
1:45:00 AM

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Listening to: Hillsong - With All I Am

As I'm listening to this song, I had a lot of recollections. We live, because of Jesus, because we want to serve the great Almighty God. We want to be convicted, just so we can serve Him that's in line with the Word of God, just so we won't be distracted and led astray by the devil.

We are constantly worshipping Him everyday, praising Him everyday, and He's looking at what we do everyday too, either smiling or feeling grieved by what we do. Still, He's still merciful, He still give us grace for us to live on. Thank Him for that.

anyway, I decided to change to a new blog. I just want to have a new beginning in my life and I want this very first formal post that I make, to mark the new beginning of life, as I re-dedicate myself to be with Him, everyday of my life, forever.

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Being feeling so tired and confused. I so want to strive to be a living testimony for God, but it's either too hard for me or I simply fail to do it because of my laziness. One thing that I learnt, that God taught me, is to be frank, learn to admit the mistakes and repent on it. No matter how grave the mistakes may be, we are still His child, and dare and be bold to stand up to our mistakes.
Now I fear, for myself to backslide, because I just lost one passion I used to have so dearly. That's Soleil. Ever since I stood to become the vice-president of this club, I told myself to be a good team player and to strive hard for the club. I even had the vision on how I can do great things through and for the club to help more people. But all this are lost. Really lost. I even lost the trust of the one person I tell myself that she would forever be a good friend of mine, all my life. So now u see, what I promised myself to do, I failed to abide by my word.
Reason why all these occurred to me? Because I'm so self centered, so selfish, so ignorant and arrogant and most importantly, I was lazy. I was lazy to submit proposals for major projects. Despite the date due no matter how promising I make it sound, because of my laziness, I failed to make them come true. I don't do things on time, deadlines I had promised I failed to fulfill them. People who had trust in me, lost trust of me totally. I feel so dead, so so dead. I'm numb towards all feeling but guiltiness and sadness.
I was so selfish too, that I thought I would be able to solve all problems on my own, even if I messed things up. Well, ended up I might have solved the problem, but I did it at the interests of the club and my fellow committee members, or I simply created more problems, just that other people have to help me clear up the mess I'd created.
So arrogant that I thought I'm above all at times. I did things my way, without consulting the President, without consulting my peers. I just went ahead with it. I was like a lone ranger who thinks he can do all things.

realized that during this period of time, I wasn't with God. I somehow or rather, rejected Him in my daily life. I was like, allowing God to be with me, only during services and cell group meetings. I was no different from a lukewarm Christian, who has short passion for the love of God. And I had seek God only when necessary. I even don't read the Bible everyday. Because of all my errors, I had made myself a fool in front of God, in front of the people people that trusted me.
Sound like a long list of sentences I gave myself? Well, I think the list can still go on.

As a result, I'm giving up my post as vice-president. Because I know I can't do a good job anymore; when people had given me the second chance, I abused it, I took it for granted, I took advantage of it. Once the president approves it, I'll be out of the club officially. I dunno whether I'm being foolish here but I know the club will still be able to function without me. The club, if according to the original Hierarchy, don't even need a vice-president.

I know I'm being super negative down here. Still, I'm going to find a new direction in life. And this time around, I really want a brand new beginning to my life. To have the need and urge to seek God more, to seek Him everyday and never be tired or lazy about it.
I want to constantly remind myself that I want to serve Him and firstly I HAVE to change my attitude, my super super lousy attitude. No longer will I want to be lazy, no longer will I be selfish and self-centered, no longer will I also be arrogant and ignorant. I want to be sharp, wise, be winsome, be relational to people, be generous about giving, and to be convicted and committed to fulfill what I had promised and to act upon it.

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In any case, i was reading Mich's blog. What she mentioned about not conforming to the world, not submitting to the pressure your peers gave you does convict me. It's really all about serving God ad being a living and good testimony for Him. So whatever we do we always have to circumsize ourselves, not be quick to judge, but be quick to pray. Thanks Mich once again for convicting me. haha..

Oh anyone reading this, can you please pray for me that i can change what i want to change?

God, i know you are reading it and I do mean what i said. Please forgive me of all my sins, allow myself to be a living sacrifice for the Altar that i can serve You forever and ever, leading my life with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and reigning in life with lord Jesus Christ.

P.S for the non-christians reading this, please do not think i'm trying to be holy or super holy. I'm just wanting to have a change in my life, for the better. You may be doing the same but method won't be the same.
So please not be quick to judge. Thank You.

Signing off..

it got me home
12:29:00 AM

New post, new blog, new beginning~~

it got me home
12:27:00 AM

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Friday, November 25, 2005

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Sunday, November 20, 2005

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